Today Katie had an eye check up. On our way to the office there was a brigade of emergency vehicles keeping a frantic pace in our path. I should have known that when you pull into a doctor's office and there is a massive car fire that you should just turn around and reschedule. Yes, it's apparently hot outside and car fires are bad omens.
So, Katie needs glasses. Her eyes are falling out of alignment again and she's starting to favor her right eye. ugh. I, of course, was hoping for good news. I wished that she'd have perfect eye sight. I wish that all is good in the world and I don't need to worry. But here I am, worrying. I'm good at it.
My mind is full of positive thoughts. I know that it's not the end of the world. I know that she has trouble seeing sometimes. I know that things could be worse. I know that she'll look cute in glasses. I know that they will help her learn and develop. I know these things.
My heart doesn't feel them, though. I have a little case of the heartbreak. I just wish she didn't have to deal with all of this. I wish I didn't have to worry. I wish I felt like my head tells me too. I know that there are many others out there that have much greater tragedies. But I can't help how I feel.
I was holding it all together until I heard "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts on the radio...
"and if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' til you find the window.
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
but more than anything, more than anything,
My wish for you is that life becomes all that you want it to.
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small.
You never need to carry more than you can hold.
And while you're out there getting where you're gettin' to,
I hope you know that someone loves you and wants the same things too.
yeah, this is my wish"
That's when I realized, that my heart break wasn't because she needs glasses. My heartbreak is because today is just another reminder that I have to work hard to make her wishes come true. I have to be her advocate. I have to help her feel right in this world and I have to help her navigate through it all.
So, what it all boils down to is that I wish the best for her because I love her... that is where my mind and heart agree.