Tightrope

All summer I've felt like I'm walking a tight rope and navigating it is a guilt ridden process. I'm always feeling guilty about something. If I go out and have fun with the kids, I feel guilty that the house is a wreck. If I stay home and clean, I feel guilty that the kids are not getting much attention. If I want to paint a room and make it look nice and keep the kids occupied with a day of Nick, Jr. then I think as I paint of all the pediatrician warnings that tv will rot their brains. Grr.... the balancing act is quite a mind game.

Summer has taken on a very different meaning for me since having a child with special needs. Gone are the wide open days, where schedules were a thing of the past and when I could go weeks without knowing what day it really is. Now summers are about scheduling; about fitting in the fun around therapies, IEP meetings, doctor appointments, sporting practices and nap times. Lately it's felt never ending. Don't get me wrong; I'm grateful for the time to even schedule these things... let alone the time to play but being a stay at home mom is exhausting.

It's funny how people are such habitual creatures. Every summer I go through phases of thinking. I'm beginning to see a definite pattern in my "stay at home mom" time, aka summer vacation. I start out thinking how long the summer is and how I'll have plenty of time to check items off the to-do list. So we play. This is obviously my favorite time of summer :) This includes the portion of summer where we go on vacation.

When we return to a mound of laundry the height of Mt. Everest, I realize that the house is in shambles from all that play and it's time to get to work. That, coupled with around this time of summer everyone and their brother begins to ask teachers when they have to go back to work; like we really want to think about that! All it reminds me is that my summer is almost over and I haven't touched the to-do list. Then the schedule begins to pile up. Time to fit in all the doctor appointments, IFSP/IEP meetings for Kate, vet appointments and random other items on the to do list. After a couple weeks of that I feel so drained from running around with my head on backwards that I start having lazy days where I don't want to move off the couch. Then I start to get a view of the house and think, Lord, we have far too much stuff. So purging and painting begins. I clean out closets and rooms and make a giant donation/sale pile, paint a room, redecorate it and marvel in its clean, crisp airy feeling that I know will last a whole week, if I'm lucky! After about 3 weeks of all that work I realize that time is short and I won't get that time back that I used painting a wall that I could have used to take my kids to a museum or the zoo. Basically, I'm not so great at balancing on the tightrope. So, folks, I'm reentering the fun stage. I'm going to make the best of what summer has to offer. See you when school starts... and don't ask me what day that is, I'll have to recheck my schedule :)

Summer Treasures

Digging for treasure

Our first week of summer is coming to a close and I am again reminded how precious my job is. Who else in the world gets to be a stay at home mom for two months out of the year and still have a full time job that they really love? Teaching is great :) This past week we have gone on many imaginary adventures...

We've been playing "treasure week" at home, building ships out of boxes and turning ordinary rocks into golden nuggets for the sand box.

For our second week of summer we're calling it bug week. What better way to kick off bug week than to see them first hand... an outing to the Butterfly house!

A pair of Paper Kite Butterflies... we spent a lot of time studying these.

Today was a scorcher of a day but we set out to Faust Park, anyway. I thought for sure it would be packed (like usual) but when we arrived, there was only one other family at the playground.

Katie at the playground

Ally has always been quite the cautious kid. She doesn't care for heights and is frightened by any tall slide. She has recently conjured up the nerve to go down the tall twisty slide (no tunnels, yet) and was dead set to show her new courage to me. Ally climbed the steps skipped across the platform and was stopped dead by the swinging bridge.

Navigating the scary bridge

But with much encouragement from myself and the other family visiting, she walked across the bridge. When she reached the slide it was too hot (oops, I probably should have checked that!) and then had to turn around and do the scary bridge again. Needless to say, our outing didn't start off on the right foot! After about 20 minutes up there we made our way to our favorite part of the park...

We headed into the butterfly house to cool down and look at some bugs. Ally was in her comfort zone here. For example, we were looking at a display of preserved butterflies and I pointed to a blue one and said "Look, it's your favorite the Blue Morpho!" She proceeded to correct me; I was looking at a blue hairstreak because the bottom of their wings are like a swallowtail's. My little miss smarty pants :) Makes her momma the science teacher proud!

Discovering

Once inside we looked for all the butterflies we knew. I particularly liked this one:

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a sucker for trees. This butterfly is black and pink on the top of its wings but as soon as I got close with the camera, it camouflaged itself by closing its wings and fading in with the tree. Love that. :)






Speaking of trees, here's another one that caught my fancy:
A flower from the Chinese Lantern Tree

I like the botanical photos. Not only are they beautiful to look at, they're an easier subject to photograph... compared to a two year old who's learning to run and a 5 year old that's more interested in chasing down a painted lady.

I did manage to get the girls to sit for a picture on the butterfly bench. Although, Kate would rather look at her sister than me, I think that this picture captures the love she has for her big sister. Yes, they fight like crazy, but who with a sibling doesn't. They melt my heart when they love on each other :).

So that's our close to treasure week and kick off to bugs. Appropriately, Ally treasures bugs, especially butterflies, and I treasure these adventures with my girls.

Countdown...

Countdown to summer... one more week until school is out and stress floats away like a balloon in the wind. I can't wait to be a stay-at-home mom again for two months. What a blessing.

Lately I've wanted nothing more than to just be home with my girls. Recently one of our little Williams syndrome babies lost his life and although I didn't know him, I feel a loss. I think about it often and I find myself just wanting to hold my children. It's scary because it's so close to home. I've been thinking back to all the feelings I had when Katie was in Children's hospital with congestive heart failure. It conjures up many memories.

Today, though, I can honestly say that Katie is so healthy, I don't find myself worrying too much about her. It's a relief to see her happy, medication free and growing. In the beginning, I wasn't confident that she'd have that sort of future. So, in the wake of a sad week for the WS family, I plan to count my blessings. I want this summer to be one of treasures.

We have plans of fun, educational exploration all summer. We will explore treasures in our city, with our friends and with family. We even have a big extended family vacation planned, a first for the Lohse's. Fun is looming... t minus 7 days!